Learn to Love the Flat Tire

It’s not about perfection. When we’re on this path of self work, we can sometimes get frustrated; still making mistakes, repeating the same old patterns, or just still having struggles in general, but here’s the thing. We’re human. It’s gonna be messy.

Part of the work to do here is to give ourselves a little freakin’ grace. It is possible to look at ourselves exactly as we are and say, “Ok. This is what I’m working with. Cool.” And not a sarcastic cool. A genuinely cool “cool”. And just maybe, we could look at our shortcomings and be so bold to say “hell yeah”. Or as Popeye used to say “I yam what I yam”. There’s nothing that NEEDS to be fixed. I could grow a little if I wanted to…as a treat.

Analogy time.

Let’s imagine we’re on a cross-country road trip. Just visited the Grande Canyon. We had a transformative experience seeing something so expansive. We’re excited to get on with the trip and visit Mesa Verde. But when we get back to the car, sad tuba we have a flat tire. No amount of judgment, stress or wishing is going to get us out of this situation. We can’t just forcibly will air into the tire or even blow it up with our own breath. We can fill our own lungs with breath and say, “Ok! I have a flat tire. This is what I’m working with” This is a verbal act of accepting the reality of the present moment as it is.

Our progress may be stalled, but does this hiccup in the journey take away from the beauty of the Grand Canyon? Does this mean that we will never see another roadside attraction or geological wonder again? I don’t think so. Is the flat tire inherently “bad”? Well, that’s up to us. What if we can learn to love the flat tire? Or at the very least, accept that the tire is flat. Only by accepting the flat fact, can we ground in the present moment.

Maybe, in our personal growth journey, we were on the up and up in our career and then we got laid off. Or we were just reaching enlightenment, but then we got drunk and said something mean and now our friend won’t talk to us. These flat tire moments can stop us in our tracks and feel like all the work has done nothing. But look around. We’re still partway through our journey. We’re still built up with all the insights and tools gained along the way. If we want to move forward, we have to accept the current challenge. In the tire analogy, we have a few options; we can either drive on that flat tire knowing we might bend the rim, reinvent the wheel, or we can ask for help. The choice really is ours to make.

Let’s venture down the path of loving the flat tire. Oh. Exciting! An unexpected challenge! We look around and see that person we shared a knowing look with when admiring the canyon. They have a big truck full of tools. We wave them down. “Excuse me. I have a flat tire. I have a spare but no jack. Do you happen to have one?” As they help us put our spare on, they go into a story about their own flat tire a few years ago, and how they pooped their pants in the exertion of trying to get the bolts loose. We share a few laughs and before they leave they give us an ice cold juice box from their cooler. Our bravery to accept the moment resulted in a delightful exchange with a new friend.

Personal growth is not necessarily linear. Sometimes it can be really messy. Sometimes we have setbacks. But the work we’ve done is not undone. Every challenge has opportunity within it, and by accepting the present we open our eyes enough to notice the opportunity to practice bravery and try something new, the opportunity to practice forgiving ourselves. Really any lesson we want from the situation is ours for the taking. I’d even argue that giving ourselves the grace to fuck up sometimes is growth in itself. An opportunity to show self the unconditional love we might reserve for others.

Let’s look again at the Grande Canyon. Do you know how long it took to form that thing? About 5 billion years!!! I’m sure as it eroded, it refilled with silt from time to time, I’m sure it was messy but it kept on grooving. Every groove is crooked and gnarled, or dare I say, “imperfect”. (This analogy is messy and imperfect.) And here we are with our little spare donut tire, taking in its awestriking beauty. We are what we are. It is what it is. And isn’t it a beautiful mess?